Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Sweet Home Alabama

Disclaimer For most of my readers I know you don't have the cable TV But this guy has a "survival" show on The Discovery Channel and his recent trip was to my old stomping grounds in Alabama.

Dear Bear Grylls,

I have decided that you are a FOOL.... For many reasons.... Which I will discuss now. Why do you feel the need to get naked in EVERY SINGLE episode??? Do you really need to get into the water every episode??? I understand you don't want your clothes wet causing you to die... But every episode??? And did you know that later in each episode you get your SAME clothes wet anyways? You are not fooling me. I bet you have a stylist that comes along with you standing behind that camera ready with a fresh set of clothing.... That is one of my biggest pet peeve about the show all the unnecessary nakedness in the "wild". You could get a tick somewhere important, BE CAREFUL. The other thing he does frequently is drink his own PEE. I would say he does this like every other episode... You would think If you had your own show on Cable that does fairly well you could say "Hey!! I don't want to drink my pee anymore." But I guess he has done it enough that drinking his own pee is his niche and is what gets the male viewers and well he doesn't want to die of dehydration which happens a lot when you have a camera crew following you around, so he can't stop doing it.

Now Bear went to North Alabama earlier this year. Guess what!?!?! That is where I grew up. GO ME!!! As you can guess I was excited when Hub told me that the DVR had recorded this for us. So I watched it, and learned many many many things.... First of which was that HUGE alligators live there... ummm no. NO just no. Secondly, Apparently It floods A LOT there. Well I guess it could but I don't ever remember this happening, but not surprised if it did or has. Third, We get Tornados! WHY YES Bear we do!! Ding Ding Ding you get a prize....... I have actually been in 2 that were serious and did some damage. I don't want to relive them due to the PTSD I could get. But I was in a few and I did live. One of the other highlights of the show.... Bear ate Deer poop.... WHAT !?!?! WHY !?!?! There is NO reason to do this EVER... you get no nutritional value from eating it.. I mean I could go on and on and on about all the things that are wrong with this guy, but I won't because I already hit a few high lights.

For Thankful Thursday I am glad I am not Bear, his wife and family, or his camera crew. And I am thankful to know that I can drink my own pee when I get lost in the woods.... But I won't.

Growing up I never thought I lived in the wild and had to survive. I knew that there were mountain people and everyone would say something to everybody they knew when they saw "a mountain person" in Wal-Mart or at church.... or the BEST at the hospital.... Honestly they were people that needed a bath.... But really a whole show was needed on this?? Nope I think they are running out of ideas...



inkOBSESSIONdesigns said...

I would probably die of dehydration before I ever drank my own pee. Gross.

Kristina P. said...

I've had it in my head to do a blog post about him, a few time, but truly, there are no words for him. Did you see the one where he slept inside a camel carcus? Classic.

leannewitney said...

There is nothing wrong with seeing him naked. Just saying...

wonder woman said...

We've seen his show a few times, and every time we just raise our eyebrows and shake our heads. (We sound like Mormons, huh?!)

Seriously. The things this guy does blow me away.

loved your "die of dehydration which happens a lot with camera crews following you around" line. Hilarious.

Shanana said...

LOL!!! I don't know what was the best part about this post... The ranting, or the labeling at the end:

"Lies, pee, poop, etc." So now every time you write on these subjects, you can see the whole list. Is there a list? I was afraid to click on any of them.

My favorite Bear moment was when he wrung out the camel poop into his mouth to drink it. I sure hope he gets paid HANDSOMELY! And NO WAY does his wife get paid enough to kiss that mouth!

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